📚 Book Review: "The courage to be disliked"

Author: Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga  

Year of Publishing: 2013

Genre: Self-Help / Non-Fiction

The title "The Courage to Be Disliked" alone was enough to captivate me from my stack of unread books. I was compelled to choose it next. Having completed it, I was quite impressed 😅, although I encountered a bit of confusion and dissent, particularly with the introduction of new concepts such as Adlerian psychology, teleology, and aetiology. Should I revisit the book, I'll share whether my level of disagreement shifts. 📕

"The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga is one of the most impactful books I have read till now. It has put me in a very good thought process. This book, written as a conversation between a philosopher and a youth, delves into Adlerian psychology and its profound insights on living a fulfilled life.

One of the core themes of the book is the relentless competition that humans engage in. We often find ourselves in a race, unwilling to lose and determined to always be right. This pressure to win and be right is one of the roots of unhappiness, as it traps us in a delusional world where our worth is constantly measured against others.

Anger, the book suggests, is a tool used to achieve goals. However, when we engage in power struggles over who is right, our judgment becomes clouded. If we are fixated on winning and losing, we fail to see the bigger picture and our relationships suffer.

The book also explores the idea that many people do not truly seek happiness, as they associate it with external factors. Most humans live in a subjective world, where the meaning they assign to their experiences shapes their reality. We are not determined by our experiences themselves, but by the meanings we give them. This subjectivity is inescapable, and it is what often leads to feelings of inferiority.

Inferiority stems from subjective value, and the pursuit of superiority is a reaction to these feelings. The constant striving for an ideal state is also rooted in feelings of inferiority. However, the book argues that weakness can be powerful and that we are all equal, though not the same. Praising someone, especially if they have less ability than you, can be a form of manipulation. Instead, we should treat everyone, even children, as equals to avoid creating power imbalances.

A significant lesson from the book is the concept of adding value simply by being present. Separation of tasks is crucial, and having the courage to be normal can bring happiness and peace. Life is a series of little moments, and it is often easier to live according to others' decisions. However, choosing one's own path is natural, even if it means getting lost sometimes.

Ultimately, "The Courage to Be Disliked" inspires readers to embrace their individuality and recognize that living authentically often means facing disapproval. By understanding the roots of our feelings of inferiority and accepting the subjective nature of our experiences, we can find true freedom and happiness. The book encourages us to live boldly, free from the expectations of others, and find value in simply being ourselves.