Alright, let’s admit it—jealousy is one emotion we’ve all felt at some point. None of us are saints or gods immune to this feeling. It’s natural, and whether we like it or not, it sneaks up on us. Sometimes we don’t even realize it, but it’s there, lurking. Today, I want to have a candid chat about jealousy—what it is, how it manifests, and how we can deal with it.
Understanding Jealousy
Jealousy can pop up in various situations. As kids, we might feel it when our sibling gets more attention or praise. I’ve felt it myself, and I’m sure many of you have too. It’s that pang of envy when someone else gets better grades, more attention, or a prize we thought we deserved.
In school, I was a dancer, and when others danced better or got more recognition, jealousy was inevitable. As we grow, this emotion evolves. In relationships, we might feel jealous if our partner isn’t giving us the attention we think we deserve. Or when we see them giving that attention to someone else, the green-eyed monster rears its head.
College life, especially in a competitive environment like NIFT, is a breeding ground for jealousy. Design isn’t like math where there’s a clear right or wrong. It’s subjective, and constant comparisons are part of the game. Seeing someone else’s work praised more can sting, and it’s easy to feel like our value diminishes in comparison.
Jealousy and Insecurity
At its core, jealousy often stems from insecurity. When we feel our worth is defined by external validation, seeing someone else receive that validation can make us feel less valuable. Social media exacerbates this—seeing people traveling, achieving, and living seemingly perfect lives can make us envious. The curated highlights of others’ lives can make us question our own.
Inducing Jealousy
Interestingly, inducing jealousy in others is also rooted in insecurity. When we flaunt our achievements or show off on social media with the intention of making others envious, it’s often because we’re seeking validation. It’s a way of saying, “Look at me, I’m worth something.” But this cycle can be damaging, both for ourselves and others.
Jealousy Among Friends
Jealousy can even creep into friendships. A friend once asked me, “When you achieve something, how many people do you think will genuinely be happy for you?” My honest answer was, “Probably four or five.” And that’s the reality. In healthy friendships, jealousy might exist but it’s limited. In unhealthy ones, it can become a toxic force that requires us to reassess our relationships.
If there is constant comparison and competition among friends, it’s hard to maintain a healthy relationship. Sharing secrets or trusting each other becomes challenging. There’s also the concept of the “evil eye” or “नज़र” in Hindi, where jealousy manifests as negative energy from others wishing bad things for you out of their own insecurity.
The Role of Manifestation
Manifestation, now a mainstream concept, suggests that our thoughts and desires can shape reality. If someone is constantly wishing bad things for you, that’s essentially the idea behind “नज़र.” It’s not just a superstition but rooted in the psychological impact of negative energy and thoughts.
Jealousy in Relationships
In relationships, jealousy often stems from feeling unsafe or insecure. It’s essential for partners to make each other feel valued and secure. Open communication about boundaries and needs is crucial. However, the person feeling jealous also needs to introspect. If your happiness and self-worth are tied solely to your partner, jealousy will inevitably arise. It’s impractical for someone to be with you 24/7, and healthy relationships require trust and independence.
Jealousy and Financial Dynamics in Partnerships
Jealousy in partnerships can also stem from financial dynamics. In today’s age, where women are earning as much or even more than men, this can create a new source of jealousy. Historically, men have been the primary breadwinners, and societal conditioning has often tied their self-worth to their paycheck. When women surpass men in earnings, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and jealousy in men.
This isn’t about women doing something wrong by earning more. It’s about societal conditioning and expectations. Men may feel threatened or less masculine when their partners out-earn them, not because they consciously believe women shouldn’t earn more, but because society has ingrained these ideas over generations. On the other hand, women might feel pressured to prove themselves through their paycheck, leading to a competitive dynamic that can strain the relationship.
In these scenarios, the “mistake” isn’t with the individuals but with the societal norms that condition these responses. The key to navigating this is open communication and understanding. Both partners need to work on redefining their self-worth beyond financial success and supporting each other without letting competition come in the way.
Psychological Perspective on Jealousy
From a psychological standpoint, jealousy is a complex emotion that involves feelings of fear, insecurity, and anxiety over potential loss or competition. According to psychologists, jealousy can be categorized into two types: emotional and sexual. Emotional jealousy involves feelings of threat from someone forming a deeper bond with your partner, while sexual jealousy pertains to fears of sexual infidelity.
Dark Emotions: Acknowledge and Channel Them
By the time we’re in our 20s, it’s likely we’ve all realized that everyone has negative emotions or a “dark side.” This includes envy, jealousy, anger, greed, and resentment, among others. These emotions are part of being human, and acknowledging their presence is crucial. It’s not always rosy, and not everyone wishes well for us, nor do we always think well of others.
As Shah Rukh Khan aptly put it, “I don’t really think bad about 99.99% of people in my life. I don’t really think good about them. I don’t think about them.” This perspective can be liberating. By not dwelling too much on others, we give less room for negative emotions to override our day-to-day lives.
Channeling Jealousy Positively
One effective way to cope with these dark emotions is by channeling them into something constructive. For instance, anger can be redirected into motivation to achieve goals or to fuel a workout. Similarly, jealousy can be harnessed positively.
1. Self-Improvement: Use jealousy as a mirror to reflect on areas where you want to improve. If someone’s success makes you envious, identify what exactly triggers this feeling. Is it their skills, achievements, or lifestyle? Use this as motivation to work on yourself and set personal goals.
2. Support Others: Instead of letting jealousy breed resentment, turn it into admiration and support for others. Celebrate their achievements, learn from their successes, and build a network of positivity.
3. Introspection: Regularly introspect and ask yourself why you feel jealous. Understanding the root cause—whether it’s insecurity, fear of missing out, or a sense of inadequacy—can help you address the underlying issues.
4. Gratitude: Practice gratitude for what you have. It’s easy to focus on what others have and you don’t, but shifting your focus to your blessings can reduce feelings of jealousy.
5. Set Boundaries: If certain situations or people constantly make you feel jealous, it’s okay to set boundaries. Distance yourself from toxic environments and cultivate a space where you feel valued and secure.
6. Focus on Your Journey: Everyone’s path is different. Remind yourself that success and happiness are not finite resources. Another person’s success doesn’t diminish your worth.
A Real-Life Example: Jealousy in College and Work
During college, I remember feeling jealous when a friend landed a better job than I did. It felt like a big deal at the time, as if my worth was tied to that job offer. Then, in the workplace, seeing a colleague get a promotion or a higher paycheck stirred similar feelings. But if you take a step back and view these situations from a third-person perspective, do they really matter as much as they seem to in the moment?
Consider the movie “3 Idiots.” It beautifully captures this sentiment. When Aamir Khan’s character consistently tops the class and sits beside the principal, his friend, played by Madhavan, feels a mix of pride and jealousy. As Madhavan’s character says, “You do feel bad when your friend fails, but you feel worse when the same friend gets a first rank and sits beside the principal.” This scene perfectly illustrates how jealousy can impact us, even among friends.
Transforming Jealousy into Collaboration
In today’s interconnected world, collaboration is key. Think about it—if every time we felt jealous, we instead channeled that energy into collaboration, imagine the possibilities. Jealousy and collaboration don’t mix well; true collaboration thrives on mutual respect and shared goals.
When you feel jealous, consider how that situation could be transformed by working together. Instead of envying your colleague’s success, think about what you can learn from them. Collaborate on projects, share insights, and support each other’s growth. When two people work hard for mutual success, the results can be phenomenal.
Building Strong Friendships
The key to jealousy-free friendships is their foundation. When we met, our lives were on different trajectories, aiming for different goals. There was no direct competition, no comparison. This allowed our friendships to grow without the shadow of jealousy. Even if our paths converge now, the bonds are strong enough to withstand any potential jealousy.
Conclusion
Jealousy is an integral part of the human experience. It’s okay to feel it, but what’s important is how we deal with it. By understanding its roots in insecurity, we can work towards building self-worth from within. Surround yourself with friends who uplift you, find joy in others’ successes, and remember Jealousy is an integral part of the human experience. It’s okay to feel it, but what’s important is how we deal with it. By understanding its roots in insecurity, we can work towards building self-worth from within. Surround yourself with friends who uplift you, find joy in others’ successes, and remember—your value isn’t defined by others’ achievements. Jealousy might knock on your door, but you don’t have to let it in.
If you ever find yourself feeling jealous, take a step back and ask why. Understanding the root of your jealousy can help you address the underlying insecurities. And if you’re in a relationship or friendship where jealousy is a constant issue, it might be time to reassess and communicate openly. Remember, we’re all human, and it’s okay to feel these emotions as long as we strive to grow and understand them better.
When jealousy strikes, envision how that energy could be converted into collaboration. The world is increasingly driven by teamwork and networking. Rather than feeling envious of what others have achieved through collaboration, seek out ways to work together. Successful collaborations benefit everyone involved, creating opportunities for mutual growth and achievement.
Imagine the impact if we all replaced jealousy with a spirit of cooperation. By learning from others, supporting their successes, and working together, we can create an environment where everyone thrives. So the next time you feel that twinge of jealousy, remind yourself of the bigger picture—collaboration leads to greater success for everyone.
In summary, jealousy is a normal emotion that everyone experiences. By acknowledging it, understanding its roots, and transforming it into positive actions like self-improvement and collaboration, we can mitigate its negative impact. Embrace the opportunity to turn jealousy into a driving force for personal and collective growth. The world will be a better place for it.
Comments